Training Your Nervous System for High Pressure. In Conversation with Tanya Oliver

We sit down with performance coach Tanya Oliver to talk about why golfers can train their bodies and swings nonstop yet still fall apart when pressure exposes old beliefs. We share the tools that help us regulate the nervous system, rebuild self-talk, and play from presence, purpose, and faith instead of fear.
• why “inside-out” work drives consistent golf performance and life results 
• how subconscious programming creates self-sabotage right before a breakthrough 
• regulated vs dysregulated nervous system and what “expansive” looks like 
• mental rehearsal, reframes, and neuroplasticity for faster bounce-backs 
• honest self-audits, plus-one progress, and the “just win today” mindset 
• building a power team and a healthy ecosystem that supports change 
• emotional training tools for anger, fear, grief, and overwhelm 
• breathwork, five-sense pattern disruptors, and staying present on the course 
• faith, forgiveness, and freedom as part of sustainable high performance 
The book is on Amazon, Building the New A Year of Living Life on Purpose. 
That is tanya c oliver.com forward slash building the new. 
On Instagram at Tanya C Oliver, T-A-N-Y-A-C Oliver, I reply to all of my direct messages. 
You can schedule a call,www.tanyacoliver.com/call and book a 25-minute strategy call. 
Pick one up, and if anybody wants to have a conversation with me behind closed doors, I also have a couple of extra copies that I will happily mail to you as a gift.

Transcript

Welcome And Why Tanya Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello, once again, this is Jesse Perryman from the Flag Hunters Golf Podcast, welcoming you to a very special conversation with a very special human being, someone I hold in the highest regard on this ethereal plane, if you will. Her name is Tanya Oliver. She is a performance coach, a high performance coach in that matter that will help high-achieving or aspiring high-achieving individuals to realize probably their most wildest dreams here on this planet. And uh, and she has written a book, an excellent book, called Building the New: A Year of Life Living on Purpose. It is a year-long playbook on basically how to get your SHIT together from start to finish, from bottom to top, uh, exploring and uncovering every rock that you can possibly imagine in your psyche. I've been working with Tanya for a while, and I apologize for the long-winded intro intro, but I'm really excited about this conversation. Uh, we're gonna get right into it. So, Tanya has been on before. She was on about a year and a half ago, and with the launch of this new book, and it's an Amazon International bestseller now. So here she is, Tanya Oliver coming to us from Florida, where it's about to get really hot. So here she is, Tanya Oliver coming to us from Florida, where it's about to get really hot.

SPEAKER_05 1:49

Thank you so much, Jesse, for having me. You've been amazing. You know, when we first started working together, we say, you know, like buckle up, not everybody wants to go, like go all in on this stuff. And some of the people that appear to be the strongest externally uh don't decide to go and do the work. And you have a lot of people talking about doing the inner work, and it takes a lot of courage and a lot of strength in order to do that. And so it's just been an honor to work with you over about a year, year and a half-ish, I guess, since since then. And I've just seen so much growth and transformation from the inside out with you, uh, from just you talking about your performance in golf um in just every area of your life. So congratulations and it's an honor to be here.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Thanks, T. It's an honor

The Inside-Out Approach To Golf

SPEAKER_00 2:40

to have you. Um, and you know, as we've discussed before and on many occasions, about you know, because this is a golf podcast. You are a high performance coach and the two correlate magnificently. Um, in golf, a lot of how to get better today revolves around the external, what the tangible, what we can see, what we can feel, what we can taste, how we can build our bodies, how we can build our golf swings to facilitate what we want to do on the golf course. But there is not a lot that really has explored the depth of what drives the engine, uh of what gets us up in the morning, what allows us to have uh what I would think of as unconditional uh uh resourcefulness or resilience, um, if you will. And it seems to be that in golf, when it gets tough out there, people have a tendency to give up, uh, people have a tendency to self-sabotage, people have a tendency to not speak life over themselves, and and they beat the living you know what out of out of themselves. And uh and it becomes an energy drain after a while. And then with the endless amounts of information that's out there to explore the tangible, I think that a lot of the intangible stuff that you and I talk about that we explore in the book, um, goes by the wayside. And it seems to be like the wrong approach from the outside in versus the inside out. And it's my intention through this podcast is to explore the very inner conditions that that allow the outside tangible to come to fruition, both on and off the golf course. And over the last year and a half, that's precisely what you and I have worked on, and getting into there and getting into the psyche and and some of those subconscious core beliefs that have been driving the ship that uh unfortunately come up and rear their ugly heads or their beautiful heads, whether we want them to or not. Especially under duress. Um, when we find out what the gremlins are really all about. So, thoughts, thoughts on all of this thus far?

SPEAKER_05 5:08

No, I mean it's valid. I don't play golf, but I played nine years of competitive ice hockey. So I understand what it's like to be an athlete. And I work a lot in the entrepreneur space. And a lot of entrepreneurs, I say, like, you know, this is like your career is your sport, and you're the athlete, and you make the decision how far you want to take this. There's levels to everything in life. There's levels to how you show up in your business, there's levels to how you show up in your relationships, and there's levels to how you show up for your assignments in your own life. This book of building the new a year of living life on purpose was an assignment. It wasn't, you know, and that is an alignment with purpose. And so if you have this clarity on this, the nudges that are going on internally, and uh it becomes a huge journey of growing and shifting and changing, even, you know, when you are on the golf course and how you handle adversity, how you handle uh uh everything in your external factors working against you, right? And you might have be on point and feel amazing, and then it starts raining or something. You know, like there's things that you that you can control and things that you can't, but how do you still stay present because presence is where your power is, and overcome the voices in the head, uh, the physical uh pain that you go through in different, you know, different seasons, you know. So it's a mental, physical, emotional, and ultimately a spiritual uh journey.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

It certainly has been the case uh from my own experience working with you. Um I I I want to plant a seed in the listener's mind right now and see if they identify with this. I I know that you can, T, and you and I have spoken about this as well. Like in my own life, I have come to places where I'm just about to break through. I'm just about to do something extraordinary, and something happens. Something or whatever, you know, some sort of form of self-sabit sabotage happened, and I didn't even know it at the time. Um, and so in in chapter four, we talk about core values and things like that in the book. Um so in working with you and identifying some of my original core values, I found that I didn't have a lot of belief in myself. I didn't, I didn't feel or think that I was good enough. So I would work really hard, really diligently on my body, on my golf swing, on my putting, on my short game course management, everything. And it seemed as if just as I was about to break through, something would happen. And I would always wonder, well, why does this always happen to me? And uh there's there's some lack of acceptance there, which is ignorance. So at the time I was ignorant to what was going on in my subconscious programming. And I think that in golf and in life, if the practitioner, the golfer, the seeker, who wants to do what they want to do at the highest level that they possibly can, and they're not aware of this, this is gonna lead to a lot of deleterious effects burnout, doubt, depression, and any other ism, overeating, alcoholism, all of that stuff. So let's

Self-Sabotage Before The Breakthrough

SPEAKER_00 8:40

talk about that a little bit. Let's explore that space.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Sure, sure. Absolutely. Subconscious belief work. Belief work, yes. So let's go into that. Let's go into belief work.

SPEAKER_05 8:55

Okay, let's go. What would you like to know about it?

SPEAKER_00 8:59

What do you want to talk about? So, you know, I I'm gonna I'm just gonna say, like, I'm gonna have a beginner's mind here. What is it? What is belief work? How does it affect us, whether we're aware of it or not?

Subconscious Beliefs And Nervous System States

SPEAKER_05 9:14

Sure. So we have the subconscious, which is programs. We have four levels of those programs. We have core genetic history and soul. You know, our soul stores emotions. That's why they say be careful of the heart, because the heart can be deceitful. And we want to make sure that even when the emotions are there, that there's the purification of the heart, which can lead to strongholds and impact the mind and the nervous system. And somebody's in that mental paralysis, or they have, you know, like it prevents you from moving efficiently and at optimal performance, at that peak performance. Um, from there, we've got different forms of beliefs that are erroneous beliefs where they, you know, consistently self-sabotage because it has a placement holder. It has it serves somebody. Uh, and and um, so they continue to do that thing because there is a a purpose for that belief system that creates a behavioral pattern. And from the behavioral pattern is how people make decisions, right? You can decide to quit, you can decide to, you know, go eat a bad meal, you can decide to go whatever you're gonna do, decisions that are out of alignment to who you say you want to become. That's a cognitive dissonance, a disconnect between your thoughts, actions, habits, and behaviors and what you're wanting out of your business life and your relationships. Then you have duality. People can have two beliefs at the same time. That's why they're always in conflict with themselves. They're fragmented all over the place, they're personalities. People do have split personalities. A lot of that is due to um soul wounds, you know, that have never been repaired and um collected back. And then you just have just limiting core beliefs, uh, experiences. I say, hey, Jess, um, if uh what do you want, apples or mangoes? And you've never tasted a mango before, you're like, you know, I've never had, uh I've never known what it felt like to sustain my success. For example, that could be a mango, right? Mango could be like abundance, or you know, I I never knew what it could feel like to win tournaments. I was expected to get to a certain point and then always fold. So those are the mangoes. Um, like I've only had apples. Apples are those experiences, and then you create downloads in the subconscious, and um, then you give your your cells, your cells carry memory, cellular memory, um, a memory of what it feels like to be successful and to be able to sustain it and multiply it. So there's a lot going on in the subconscious, but when you do the work on yourself, you you take the subconscious, you can bring it into conscious awareness through a lot of very practical tools that you've been utilizing yourself. And and um, and then from there you stop operating in an expansive nervous system. The nervous system operates in three ways. Uh, it's dysregulated, it's regulated, and then it's expansive. And that's how people, I don't know if you've ever met some of you like, man, they just always seem to get better every year. Things always seem to just be working out with them. Yes, there's some adversity, but it's like they're consistently growing and progressing. But why is it that some people are constantly staying the same? Another year goes by and not much has changed. Maybe the outer world has shifted a little bit because they're doing the hustle mode, they're in hustle culture, but the way that they're feeling internally, what they're living in internally, the imprisonment, it still coexists. So these are the things that we work on. We we work on freedom, we work on uh breaking free, but most importantly, how to be self-sufficient and and understand these tools and how to apply them and then put it into practice and literally just treat it like a game.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

I would say that those are very, very, very powerful statements. Yeah, well said, T. Um and like for me on the golf course and the application of just the summary of what you just said in a nutshell, and the application in real time, for example, would be for example, I played yesterday in our men's game, and I didn't play very well. But through the work and the identification of some of those subconscious programmings, uh my internal dialogue shifted dramatically. Let's say a couple years ago, the way I played yesterday, I would have spoke death into myself, for example. You suck. You're you work so hard on this game, you're never gonna get any better. You know, really powerful, strong, debilitating statements that the nervous system unfortunately acquiesces to. Life and death are in the power of the tongue, whether you speak it out loud or not. So for me, hearing that was validating me feeling sorry for myself and not really taking any accountability. And uh, and just that old gremlin, that old tape of maybe what I heard as a child or what I heard from other people.

SPEAKER_05 14:27

Yeah, those voices come come from somewhere, they're always from somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Yeah. And then the shift that happened yesterday when I caught myself in real time. So through the work of of of working on my subconscious with you, it seems to that time is slowed down a little bit. I.e., my nervous system has become more regulated. Even even if there's an outside storm that's happening, you know, I'm out there playing in a in our men's game and we've got some stakes on the line. And instead of me beating myself up, I had a voice that said, Hey Jess, speak life into yourself. So I I I'm uh that was a first for me. And I'm assuming that the best player in the world, the best player in our sport is Scotty Scheffler. And Scotty, I would say has a very regulated nervous system. It doesn't, you know, absolve him from being human. I mean, he gets pissed off and he gets down on himself a little bit, but it doesn't last. And he usually holds himself accountable by saying, okay, this happened, that sucked. So I need to go and work on a couple of things. Maybe it's my my thinking, maybe it's something that's mechanical. But there's not a lot of juice or a lot of emotion or energy that's attached to a negative outcome, so to speak. It's more as feedback. And I think that from my experience and getting in and underneath the surface, so to speak, this is a very real phenomenon. Um, golfers, you mentioned uh people, they work on it, they might have some external uh uh proof that they like, oh yeah, you know, hustle culture, I just bought a new Porsche or something like that. Um but the the internal environment remains the same. And I see that in golf a lot.

SPEAKER_05 16:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

Golfers, even golfers at a very high level, they want to get better, they want to play better, they want to win golf tournaments, they might come close, but they don't quite get

Mental Rehearsal And Rewiring The Brain

SPEAKER_00 16:40

to the finish.

SPEAKER_05 16:42

Yeah. I wanna I want to definitely go back, kind of rewind a second about what you're talking about, um, getting up fast, right? The people that are always the top, right? You look at NBA players that are always being interviewed, that are quote unquote the GOATs, the legends. It's about the um mental resiliency, the ability to get up the who can get up the fastest and get back in the game at optimal performance, at peak performance, get their head back, get back laser focused. And, you know, when you look at that, it's almost like I don't know if you, I mean, I know you watch golf, I know you play golf, but do you ever like go and you're watching golfers and you're studying their body mechanics, and then you're um you would catch something that maybe they didn't. Well, like they, you know, typically at that level. I mean, when I played ice hockey, our coaches would have us watch the films. We would go and watch the films, we'd go watch the movie, aka movie, right? Like what just happened, and you get to see what happens. Instead of beating yourself up over it, you're wasting time. What you do is this is the neurolinguistic programming. You go back, or I'm sorry, neuroplasticity, you'd go back and you would uh look and you'd rewrite what you do, and then you practice it, and it becomes a practice behavior. So you already know it's already over with. And there's an exercise you know that um I teach and that you've you do it. So you write out your challenge. Okay, what are you beating yourself out about? Because when you write it, speak it and you hear it, you're taking subconscious programming and you're getting it out of your system because it's already over with. There's nothing you can do, and you reframe it. Your reframes create a new wiring in your brain. From there, when a memory comes again, and say, for example, pressure, your heart starts racing, you're getting anxiety, you're starting to compare yourself. You take a moment, you close your eyes, you ground yourself, you breathe, you visualize a shot. Race car drivers do the same thing. They literally do those exercises where they're they're not even driving, they just visualize, even for how things aren't going to go as planned. And so when you're going and you're you're having this mental rehearsal, I talked about it in the book, the mental rehearsal aspect. There's four parts of uh high performance habits, you know, your food, your sleep, your exercise, and your mental rehearsal. The mental rehearsal goes right in there because they did this study with Olympians and they put them in four quadrants. One of them, they just practiced the physical and maybe uh 75% physical to work on sharpening their performance and 25% uh mental. The other one did um uh 20, uh, I'm sorry, it was like 50-50. And then um they did 50 physical, uh, 50% the mental rehearsal, and the other one did 75% mental rehearsal, and the other and uh 25% um uh physical. And then I forget what the other one did. Maybe they did nothing. The ones that improved the most were the ones that spent 75% in mental rehearsal. Because if you think about the overall statistics of how the percentage of you're actually in a game compared to the practices, compared to living your daily life, compared to all this stuff, the percentage is probably going to be a 25%. Most of the time you're in a mental rehearsal, whether you're criticizing yourself, you're focusing on what you're doing wrong, you're focusing on. So if you spend that time in constructive um redirection and and and telling your body how you're wanting it to operate and visualizing the swing and seeing every single muscle group on point and seeing yourself grounded and regulated in the present moment, and the power in the hips, and you know, the power in the swing and the foot pivoting. And there's so much of an improvement that happens. But the thing is, is most people spend so much time in a constructive space, in a negative space of, and that's why the improvement rates don't scale at that much, or there's very minimal to little improvement, and a whole year passes.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

I mean, that that's that's it in a nutshell.

SPEAKER_05 21:06

Um, there's a little bit more to it, as you know, beliefs get a little tricky because there can be things, as I mentioned earlier, on where things are intertwined and the sabotage of success. If there's a program inside of your DNA that is limiting you or capping you from really scaling into an expansive version of yourself, say you at that 10.0 version of yourself, as I talked about in the book, and maybe you'd rate yourself at a five. Um, maybe in the, I don't know, career would be golf or the the hobby would be golf, and your goal is to be that 10.0, like what is going to be filling in that gap there?

SPEAKER_00 21:44

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that that's really a cool thing to say. That that's a great question. That's a great question for myself and the listeners. Even so it in golf, um It's it's rare when when all the dots connect, when all of the planets align on the golf course, where where you have you know all your mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually out there sharp. It's very rare to have these four necessary ingredients aligned. Typically in golf, because it's we're very human and imperfect, and we deal with ailments, we might have a sore back or things like that, or we may just not be feeling all of that great mentally. Um, you know, how can we maximize those days? How can we maximize when we don't have our A game? And I know that there's a practical way to do this. So, like in our in our audits, which when you read the book, folks, Tanya will teach you how to audit some of these important things on scales of one to 10. So in our days where we are not we're not quite ourselves or not sharp, how can we make those days 10 out of 10 10 out of 10 when we

Audits, Momentum, And Just Win Today

SPEAKER_00 23:10

aren't a 10 out of 10?

SPEAKER_05 23:12

Yeah, great question. Well, the first thing is you just have to be honest about it. If I'm feeling at a three and I'm rating myself and I'm yellow lighting and I'm on the verge of burnout, I'm just going to win today. And you'll see that in the book, just win today. Maybe my win is just getting myself to a four. And only I will know what a four would be for me. Because the key is to build momentum. When you are completely dysregulated, and I know there are some of you in here, most of you that have kids, maybe little kids, maybe you just had a baby, you know, maybe your kids are moving out, maybe you're just uh got into a relationship, maybe you're getting out of a relationship. You know, we're humans, we have multiple things going on in our life. It's not just the sport, right? And it might maybe golf is your extracurricular activity. Maybe it's not, you're not a pro golfer yet, or maybe you don't even have the desire to be, but it's a part of your life, right? It's not your identity. And that's where people get so um uh confused, is they create one thing to be a part of their identity, whether it whether it being the career. And you really just have to be honest to be self-aware what's going on, and from there be curious, like, okay, well, what is that next level upgrade for me? What is that plus one point higher for me? Um, and then from there you seek out solutions. Maybe I know for you, you'll call me, like, hey, I need to get a session in today. I need to get my head right. I need to uh like have a pattern disruptor, or sometimes just like, hey, I just need a little voice memo or something like that. And then you're you're good to go. Pattern disruptors. And you it's important to have like your power team and uh a power lineup. I have it myself. And you know, when it's game time, it's game time. When I have to get on stage and speak in front of people, like not every day is gonna be a hundred percent charged, but I'm going to give what I'm capable of. And then also for me, I bring God into everything. I lean on God, I lean on Holy Spirit, I lean on Jesus. I don't, there's things that I like help me. Like I need your help right now. I do not have the I don't, I don't have it together today. Because that's the thing. The first thing is admitting is like no matter how so how strong you are, I'm very strong. I have a very high threshold of pain. You know, I can handle emotional stuff I've been through a lot in life. Um, I think everybody has a story, but the only way I've been able to get through things and people had no idea is because I've really leaned on God.

SPEAKER_03 25:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:54

And of course, doing my part, like showing up, uh, calling my coaches, getting you having other people that I can lean on in moments where I can barely stand. Because there's things that happen in life. Life is part of giving life and taking life. There's always gonna be somebody in here has had a death, or there will be a point where somebody you love will pass away. You will be going through a grieving process. I have a client right now. She is um she's a singer, and she was right before she got on stage to perform, she was in the best uh mood. One of her really good friends passed away and she found out and she said it was really, really hard, but she had to execute, you know, and that's what we have to do. We have to still learn how to operate at peak performance, regardless of what's going on in our life. And so, you know, having multiple factors and then also having your tools at the same time, but sometimes you do most of the time we do, and even in scripture, they tell us to be interdependent. They don't tell us to be codependent and doesn't tell us to be independent, tell us to be interdependent. And for those of you that never heard that word before, uh, because I do have clients that have never heard of it before, is it's learning to be whole within yourself and leaning on other people that are whole in moments where you need to borrow their faith or you need to borrow their confidence or you need to borrow their whatever it is, their belief system for a moment to get there. Like, hey, I need you to make sure that I show up today. You know, I went through a really hard moment and I know we got a tournament, and I need you to make sure that I show up today and that, you know, like so there it just really depends on the circumstances because I do like to talk about that stuff because it is real life. Not everything is just about it's the mental game when everything else in your world seems to be falling apart. How are you still showing up when you know your marriage is falling apart? How do you still show up when uh just I had a client the other day, um, one of their good friends, their uh son had OD'd. You know, like how do you still show up in those moments when you just lost a child?

SPEAKER_00 28:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 28:07

So these are these are real conversations. And, you know, I think the best thing is always to be in prevention. I've always wanted to have uh, I've always been in a career because I've have had a lot of losses before I really emerge into my career. And I always wanted to be in prevention um and to help people be in prevention so that they would be capable to take the hits, you know? And that's just always been really important to me because uh I think it's better to be prepared and know how to take care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Um, and then just be able to pull out an arsenal of tools when you need them versus being left to nothing, having no tools and going down an unfortunate space.

SPEAKER_03 28:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 28:53

The space of alcohol, maybe the space of drugs, maybe the space of just uh whatever. I've seen people go down many, many dark spaces, dark nights of the soul, um, that they didn't have to go if they had the right tools in place and they also had the right ecosystem, which you're talking about chapter three about core values and standards, and making sure you have an enriched ecosystem of people, places, habits, and behaviors.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

Yeah. I that's that's very well said to have that ecosystem. Yeah, and and I think that especially in golf, because it's such a a game of solitude. It's not a team sport. I mean, we do have team events, but the uh the the the basis of it is it's very individual. And I'll tell you, T, there's a there it's it can be a long and lonely road to hell. And uh the golfers listening can identify with this. And so it's important to have these, you know, it at that time. Yes, you have a team. Yes, you want to have a team, yes, you want to have a great coach, what whatever that someone you can lean on, a pastor, someone that can you can really vibe with and you can be yourself around.

SPEAKER_05 30:14

Also reliable and that you can count on and you can be vulnerable with, and they won't use it to manipulate.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

Exactly. And you know, I think uh, you know, for the purpose of this discussion and part of it is building those internal resources, those internal coaches, if you will, in real time. Um uh, like for example, I mean, all the work that you and I have done, my internal coach, who I would call the Holy Spirit, said speak life into yourself versus speaking death into yourself. You suck, you're never gonna get any you work so hard at this game and you haven't gotten good at, you might as well quit.

SPEAKER_05 30:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

You know, just the BS that we tell ourselves. And it's a lie.

SPEAKER_05 30:59

I do want to touch on this because I do believe people need to know the truth, is like that's also called deliverance work, and those are strongholds, and that can all be called can can also you can receive freedom um through forgiveness work, yeah, through soul wound healing through deliverance, and just anybody did want to know it does exist, it does, and um, you can you know accept Jesus into your heart, but still have tormentation in your mind and through deliverance and forgiveness, because deliverance can only happen through the heart. That's why the power of forgiveness is like a key to all your chains that have been tormenting you in this self-imprisonment. You have the key to unlock yourself to become free.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

Yeah. Like we talked about truth and freedom. Truth and freedom. Truth and freedom. And uh, you know, I want to, you know, speaking of freedom, and the the uh I'm kind of bobbing in in and in and bobbing and weaving out of my experience with this, uh, so that you know, folks that are listening can really like I'm I'm I'm a student of yours. I'm a friend and I'm also a student, and the real life application of these things when the rubber meets the road, especially. It's cool to have this conversation around a coffee table, but we're talking like when you're in the trenches and you know, there's things that are flying and emotions are high, and time seems to speed up, that we have these internal, these these important internal foundational pieces. We mentioned God. Having and having a relationship with a power that's greater than ourselves has been uh, you know, pardon the expression, a godsend for me. Just having the the the reliance and knowing that no matter what I'm loved, I'm cared for by the power that created this whole thing.

SPEAKER_05 33:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:07

So that's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_05 33:08

And the and I want, you know, the thing too is like one of my favorite parts of scripture is is in Corinthians, and it says that even if you have a coach, all the coaches in the world, the best of the best, nobody will know the desires of your heart for your God-aligned assignment for you to step into your full potential like God does for you. And when you have a relationship with him and you spend time with him daily, you are guided. Your steps become clear. You have this peace inside of you when there might be every single reason to not have peace and to be freaking out and to be in panic or to be, you know, very angry or severely like suicidal or something like that. And you have this comforter, and the comforter is our helper, which is the Holy Spirit. But there's a part in Corinthians that talks about how like only God knows your future. Only God knows your future, your present, and your past. But he's the only one that can really guide the steps. Anything other is just a form of a counterfeit form of manipulation. So the only, the only one that knows your unique future to guide those invisible steps. Like I always tell people, I'm here as a resource to help you learn to trust that voice, to hear that voice clearly, and then to give you practical, tactical strategies of how to bring that heaven into earth.

SPEAKER_03 34:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:49

Because we do need to learn how to, you know, live in creation from the creator, right? Not to worship creation, uh creation, but to worship the creator and then learn how to live in creation and to continue to co-create with God because God is telling you what He wants you to co-create and what your lane is.

SPEAKER_01 35:14

Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty powerful.

SPEAKER_00 35:20

That's a really powerful thing. I think that um, I I mean, I'm gonna reference back to what I said about yesterday, speaking life into yourself. I think that's part of that's one of the uh the fruits of the spirit. To take every thought captive, yeah. And and I and I and I want to say this, I think this is really important because I don't think that we as humans have been trained to do that, to take every thought captive, to not to not attach our identities to specific thoughts, you know.

SPEAKER_05 35:55

We're taught to manipulate through like NLP, but sometimes there's a lot of like spiritual warfare that goes out. That NLP, though it's not about the mind, it's more supernatural.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:06

And this is where that's talking about like the the soul wound healing, the forgiveness. Um, you know, it there's a there's a difference of things that happen that can occur, and it's also having discernment. If you don't know yourself, know thyself and how you operate as a human being, um, versus just swinging a golf club or just you know taking some steps or walking or hitting the gym, like that's a physical pillar. A lot of the work that I teach is the the physical, mental, emotional, and the spiritual, because that those are the four pillars of human performance. When you are lacking one, you'll you'll never feel satisfaction in your heart. You'll never feel satisfaction in your heart if you are not building relationship um with God. Like you'll owe it, nothing will ever be enough. That's where you hear people that have, you know, achieved so much and they've had to hit a dark night of the soul to realize like, oh, this is the only thing that really satisfied me. And I do believe that we were meant to have it all. We were meant to have it all, you know. Um, so we but to constantly put in the repetitions of like our mental state, our emotional state, our physical state, because even you see a lot of people that are not taking care of themselves physically. You've been on your journey and overcoming different things in the subconscious of self-sabotage, went back to different memories, pulled, cleared, canceled, resolved, and then created a new perspective within it. And then now you're just like feeling amazing, you're moving more fluidly, you have better range of movement, you know, you're you're gonna have off games here and there, but like overall, your performance has increased, right?

SPEAKER_00 37:49

Yeah,

Ecosystems, Support, And Who Has Your Ear

SPEAKER_00 37:50

absolutely. And let's talk about that the four pillars of performance. Let's talk about these very important foundational pieces because they're all interwoven and connected. So, again, uh for those of us who want to play golf at a high level, especially later in life, and as we chronologically age, um, how important is it uh to keep yourself in good shape? I mean, you I mean, we could say, oh, doctors all recommend exercise and all this and that, but truly, how important is it? And what are the physiological effects of working out, of being in shape versus not working out, not being in shape and just throwing caution to the wind?

SPEAKER_05 38:39

Well, I can tell you when I have pain, sciatica, or my knee is bothering me, or if my neck has compression, because I was sitting a lot writing this book. I was sitting a lot writing this book. And my habits were created, and I I work out every day. Um, the habits of the majority outweighed, and I was creating pain in my body that impacted my mental state, which impacted me emotionally. Um, and and I was not like it was very challenging to focus. And if you're talking about performing a high level specifically with golf, you have to be so present.

SPEAKER_03 39:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 39:22

It's it's a game of presence. Like you have to be so present and like in the zone and locked in. You don't see like professional athletes anywhere other but in the present moment. You know, in fact, over 11 years ago, I was studying um with Michael Jordan's coach, and he's all about mindfulness. Yeah, before I got into like getting into all of my own stuff, and it was all about mindfulness and learning how to um almost be doing like a walking meditation, like completely in the zone, locked in, nowhere else but right there. Because if we're counteracting pressure, it's presence because two emotional states cannot coexist at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 40:10

But say let me stop you right there, T. Yeah. Because I think that's a that's a real bullet point to discuss. Two emotional states cannot be present at the same time. Elaborate on that.

SPEAKER_05 40:24

Kind of you can't have anxiety and peace at the same time. You can't have fear and courage at the same time. You have to choose which one you're gonna lock in on.

SPEAKER_00 40:40

And a lot of what happens on the golf course, and you know, I'm gonna speak for myself also from what I've observed uh playing with other players, is they will lock in on anxiety, they will lock in on fear, and typically it's manifested in putting when you see when you see guys out there afraid to miss putts. So they're definitely making a choice whether they're aware of it or not.

SPEAKER_05 41:06

Yeah, you can't you can't focus in on missing a shot and getting it in at the same time. So if you're focused on angles and aligning your eyes with it, because you're directing yourself, like, okay, that's a target. I'm aiming to get it in, I'm gonna get it in, that's where it's gonna go. I see that angle versus like, oh, don't miss, don't miss, don't miss. You're programming your subconscious, like it doesn't hear don't, it just hears miss. You know, and so you have to say, like, focus, focus, focus, focus. Like you, there are ways of really training your brain to it's like you can't run left and right at the same time.

unknown 41:45

Right.

SPEAKER_05 41:46

You're going left or you're going right.

SPEAKER_01 41:48

So this this perfectly right.

SPEAKER_00 41:51

So this perfectly pivots into the mental aspect of it. You know, uh from the physical uh to the mental aspect and the tools that are I mean, these are these are practical tools that over time, like a muscle, can be can be really strong.

SPEAKER_05 42:12

Yeah, that's neuroplasticity and the neuropathways in the brain. And you're giving it a new focal point where I see a lot of people get challenged when we start working together, is they don't know and they can't even see what's beyond anything they've ever experienced. Remember, we talked about the apples and the mangoes, right? And so on a subconscious level, we go there through the theta brain wave, you know, because we got the beta alpha, theta, delta gamma into that flow state because theta is just a flow state in the zone, fully present, feeling peace, feeling good. And that's why people love meditating. They get into a theta brainwave, they're not dysregulated. You can't be dysregulated, that's a beta uh brainwave. You get into that brain wave and then you create new programming.

SPEAKER_00 43:04

So for programming. So for for clarification, talk about beta and the manifestation of.

SPEAKER_05 43:12

I mean, it's I don't know if it's something to go into, but it's just stress response. You know, you're you're in a it's a brainwave. I mean, you can it's almost like you can jump in between the beta and the the theta, and even in a conversation, I might be thinking about what I'm gonna say and then come back into just saying what I'm saying whatever I'm being guided to say. Because I'm not thinking about I'm just fully present, words are coming out of my mouth. You know, when I salsa dance, I might have to take a moment because I'm in my head and I have to get into my heart and I'm so much in my head that I start messing up. Because you have to be so present and so fast when you're salsa dancing, especially the female, because the other person is leading. And I notice when there's friction, Tension that I have to just stop, breathe, and just feel and get back into the zone. And then those are like the best dances.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

So speaking of zone, which uh is gonna be a really focal point of this podcast moving forward and everything to uh set the conditions to allow this to happen. Um how much of getting into that zone would you attribute to accepting the situation as it is? I'm just I'm just throwing it out there.

SPEAKER_05 44:36

Like just I think that's a great question. Something that I've learned a long time of overcoming my own addictions is to be like, who are you to be qualified this that? I was an addict at one point, we got a had a lot of things going on. And when for a long time I was afraid to accept my situation, accept that I had a problem, to accept that I was addicted, addicted, uh, to accept my situation circumstances I didn't want to face, right? This whole like new age of like just pretend and you know, like don't think about it. Like you have to take personal responsibility. It's almost like a grounding mechanism. And from there, you can have clarity on solutions. And so when you accept the space you're in, there are progress checkpoints that can happen because progress can only coexist when you're accepting. Acceptance does not mean settling, it just means progress. Okay, I accept I have to work on my body mechanics because my hips are all jacked up and I've got something with X, Y, Z, or I need to strengthen my ankles. I got to work on my posterior chain. You know, I have to accept that so then I can redirect my program design for my exercises for my strengths, right? Because I know that's something that you were working on. So, like now I'm working on posterior chain things, spinal column, paraspinal muscles, um, you know, rate rotator cuffs, um, the little rotator cuffs in the hips and you know, all the the muscles in the feet, like all those impact everything else, and everybody else avoids them and they just focus on the bigger things. But when you go back to the foundation, like the karate kid, remember the karate kid? Yep. Mr. Miyagi want to be the best. What did Mr. Miyagi have them do? Back to the basics.

SPEAKER_00 46:30

Back to the basics, yep.

SPEAKER_05 46:31

Foundational framework. And so we have to go back. And what I see, which I always like, you know, I have people, they come to me and they're so frustrated because they've, you know, they're have multiple serial like businesses and they've reached these this external success and internally they're not. And they um or they're in a pain point and they want to change and they're really beating themselves up. And so one of the things we do, what I've realized is like I do not skip the foundation for anybody. And what I realize is, you know, in scripture, I'm in ecclesiastics and they were talking about, I believe it's Ecclesiastes. Um, if anybody's listening and I'm off, then please correct me. But they're talking about if you want to, or maybe it was Corinthians, uh, I forget. But it said if you want to destroy a building, what do you do? You tamper with its foundation and you build it with inferior, um with inferior like interior stuff. Like you build it with like weak interior. And so it's like the same thing. If you're skipping steps and you're not dealing with the root, the foundational aspects of things, which most people know what it is, and if not, you know, we can book a strategy call. It's it always comes down to the basics, foundational framework, um, solidifying that. And most time people have, um, you and I talk about this a lot, and I've been one of them. Is our foundation was never healthy? And as kids, what and what I see is like, I'm like, okay, if you guys can build these type of businesses and operate like this in so much foundational dysfunction, then we can go back simply and build, not rebuild, but build a solid foundational framework so you can scale as high and as much as you want. And it's gonna be so easy for you because you've had everything else. You have the work ethic, you have the drive, you have the desire in your heart, you have that fire. Um, you know, sometimes that fire is a little bit burnt out because, you know, it's almost like you're running, running, running in quicksand. Um, but it really comes, it's simple, it's just not easy. And it just depends on on how much we have to clean up, how much there is to reprogram. So it's more about like, you know, just being consistent, being consistent. And most people are consistent, they're just consistent with the wrong playbook.

SPEAKER_00 49:10

Yeah. Yeah, that's well said. And that's gotta be, you know, part of the acceptance part, too, of asking yourself, hey, am I, you know, the energy's there, the desire's there, but am I truly working on the right things and am I maximizing my time the best?

SPEAKER_05 49:28

I remember too, it's the right thing at the right time. Sometimes you're doing the right thing at the wrong time.

SPEAKER_00 49:33

Sure. Yeah, that makes sense. So the physical, we

Emotional Training Tools For Real Life

SPEAKER_00 49:40

we went into the mental. Let's talk about the emotional part.

SPEAKER_05 49:45

Tactical emotional training. Let's do this. I call them um you're uh you're adopting and co-parenting all these little kids.

SPEAKER_00 49:55

Oh boy. Yeah, you know, uh, you know, folks, just to give you context, I would sure uh allow my emotions to get the best of me and uh cascading into you know that negative self-talk that I was talking about and speaking death into myself. Um, and that radically changed when we started doing the emotional work.

SPEAKER_05 50:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:16

Let's talk about that.

SPEAKER_05 50:18

Sure. Uh well, there's three phases to emotional intelligence, which is the if anybody wants to be successful in your relationships, in business, in life, is learning how to communicate and how to manage and regulate your emotions while you're thoughtful of others, right? Taking responsibility. And so the first one is emotional availability. You have to become emotional available in order to be able to have the capacity to even manage the emotions, which leads to then emotional intelligence. So it's like a three-tier uh aspect. And yes, is it easier to not feel than to feel? Yes, I've been there. I was emotionally cold that one season of my life. And because it was safer to just be like a hardened heart than it was to feel everything that I was feeling, only because I didn't have the tools. And that's how like I know them, right? I was always seeking the truth and I've always just wanted to do things right. I wanted to, you know, have freedom. And if I realize if these are the two core things I really want is truth and freedom, then I have to go there. And that became like this journey of I of realizing, oh, it's tactical emotional training. Emotions are just tools. So I gotta recognize what emotions that are predominantly taking up space in my heart, my mind, and my spirit, a lot of anger. I'd be like, You anger, you're so like calm. Like, that was a lot of work. You know, I played ice hockey, but I was always in the penalty boxes, always picking a fight, you know. And if I wasn't picking a fight, I was literally, I mean, I remember one season I got kicked off my team, my senior year for like just being out of control with my coach, like verbally just uh had no control over my anger. I was so angry and I just and then got kicked off the team. And you know, so like identifying the emotions that are coexisting and then just treating them like kids because you're also not shaming yourself. Emotions are emotions, you know, and when you learn to like, oh, that's just the all these like little eight-year-olds, you can have a little bit more compassion for yourself. So then they're accepting the space and then redirecting it, but also you can't skip from anger to joy. There's a process that that happens, you can't skip from grief to you know happiness, like there's a process, there's tools for each different emotion. It's like, you know, when I'm speaking on stage, I typically will use this example because it makes sense for everybody. It's like if you have to change your license plate, because we all do at some point, you're are you gonna use um a hamburger, a hammer, or a screwdriver? You know, it's the same thing with emotions. Not every single tool is meant to be used for the emotions. There's different tools for different emotions. You know, when I had a lot of anger, primal screaming was amazing. EFT, tapping, you know, breath work, meditation, like sitting with it. But sometimes it's exercising, you know, getting it out of the body so then I can like regulate, ground myself, and then come back. And these are just a bunch of different tools that you teach, even uh a different, like a script. I have scripts. You went through the script. There's a script that you go through, you know, with that version of yourself that is throwing a temper tantrum or that is, you know, having a panic attack. You th you go through the script and you just like you would a little child, you just, you know, go through the through the part and then um at some point it passes, you know, and this way we're not destroying ourselves or destroying relationships, acting out of um impulsive feelings, and still able to execute tasks because sometimes it's just not being able to show up for tasks um because the emotions are so dysregulated.

SPEAKER_00 54:24

Yeah, that's a that's a very, very important piece there. Um, you know, and in real time, like the the correlation, the the real life application for the golfer who is playing in a tournament or a or a a meaningful round. And they've had some bad holes in a row, and the and the frustration and the anger is starting to build.

SPEAKER_05 54:45

Um I just thought of like Happy Gilmore, do you know?

SPEAKER_00 54:51

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 54:52

Yeah, I'm sure there's been some of those too.

SPEAKER_00 54:54

Oh yeah, you know, I and I was that kid too. I used to launch clubs and a bunch of F-bombs and you know, really throw a bunch of temper tantrums, and it never really helped.

SPEAKER_05 55:06

Um it just makes you look out of control to everybody else, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:10

And it just doesn't help and you play worse, and you play worse. You know, it it's always funny because Tiger, and I mentioned this before, but Tiger always had this 10-foot circle that his dad taught him. So if he's in the 10-foot circle and he hits a bad shot, he he within that 10-foot circle, he's allowed to go ahead and just let it rep. Whatever, you know, if however he's gonna process his anger. But once he got out of that 10-foot

Breathwork, Senses, And Getting Present

SPEAKER_00 55:40

circle, it was over. It was over and done and it like it never happened. Um, that was that was his way of doing it. My way through your teaching has been very powerful in real time is to focus on my breath. Um, to to focus on the breath through the belly button and you know, the Dantean and martial arts people would call it. Uh, you know, you gave me a uh um a great one. It's uh breathing in, holding for four, and then box breathing. Yeah, box breathing. What that does. Can you explain quickly physiologically what that does to the nervous system in real time, especially when your emotions are just flying all over the place?

SPEAKER_05 56:23

Sure. There are different breathing techniques, like a lot of people know when hoff breathing. Well, when-hoff breathing is great when you're like depressed and you need like a quick pattern disruptor, almost like a cold plunge to your spirit. And um, but when you're dealing with, you know, or even like something like anger, like something that is um when so typically when you're more like up here, like when your emotions are like you feel like out of your head, like out of your body, you want to ground yourself into the breath. So there's different breathing, like box breathing. Typically, it's slowing down, slowing down and regulating. Like I said, the nervous system operates in three ways: dysregulation, grounded, and expansive. With that, um, there's four behavioral patterns that show up when we're in dysregulation, which is fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Fawn is people pleasing. And that's that fight. Like I'm dysregular, I want to fight, right? Or freeze is like I quit, whatever, like you know, I'm out. Because there's some people that might just walk off. People just walk off and then oh yeah, you know, yeah. So, and then you know, they they have the other ones where they just freeze and you just not don't move, and then the fawn. So um, it's just it's like I said, the biggest thing is just knowing and understanding, and then from there you can have solutions. So you just you just have to know and try different breathing techniques and and to pull the ones that work the best. The one that I like the most because it's also physical touch. We say, like in the book, we talk about activating the five senses, sight, sound, smell, taste, touch. So that's why I really love the EFT um for a lot of emotions. Um, and then the other one is like plugging one nostril, inhaling, exhaling, because you can't like it's so it you slow your breath down. You don't really have a choice. You can't be like hyperventilating with like one nostril plugged. So it just slows you down, it regulates the heart rate. And then the box breathing is just the counting. Something about counting puts you in some form of a hypnotic state, which is also still that theta brain wave and regulates and grounds. So depending on where you're at and what emotional state, kind of same thing, you pull different breathing, uh, different types of breathing techniques in order to, and and everybody's different. I have some clients that really love a specific breathing, and then the others like a different one. It the biggest thing is having an arsenal of tools and you having the option and the freedom to choose which one that you're actually going to use because it doesn't matter if you have all these tools and you're not using any of them.

SPEAKER_00 59:06

Right, right. Yeah, uh, yeah, and I was playing a golf tournament last year in Tahoe, and you that's where you gave me the exercise. And the interesting thing was is that it it served as a temporary distraction at first, but then my body became settled. Even even with any sort of external storms that were going on where I actually felt present, and and I was I mean, how can how how can I say this? I was okay with what was happening outside. Uh-huh. There was a there was a there was a level of peace that was in my body present. Um and I think the breathing had a lot to do with that, the focus of the breath, some deep expansive breaths. I know that a lot of athletes have spoken spoken about that, about the power of the breath.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:03

I mean your breath is your life, your life force. Without a breath, we're not living. And it becomes something of a one point of focus. So when you can focus on something, the breathing. Um, when I used to work with football players, they they really resonated with um gazing, so that you know, you light a candle and you would just stare at the candle because it would put them in that in that like completely present zone and then just help kind of calm them down. So it also depends on remember, activating five senses, sight, sound, smell, taste, touch. Sometimes it's just like a nice cup of warm tea, just kind of like that touch of like something warm to slow you down. Um, maybe sometimes it is um putting on worship music, like sometimes just putting on music. But like you're talking about, our senses are used as pattern disruptors. And it allows us to um, I don't know, do you were you ever walking and you were in your head and then you like stubbed your toe?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:59

And then you totally forget, you're not thinking about what you were just thinking about. You might have even been a little angry or very angry, just kind of going down in your thoughts, and then all of a sudden you stub your toe, and then it completely shifted the entire gear.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:13

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:14

So the physical is a big part of grounding, and you know, that's why it's also super important. It's learning how to get every aspect, every single pillar of a human being, because we're human, mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual on our own winning team. So we become assets versus liabilities to ourselves, right? Because if people aren't on your own winning team, you're typically going to be very fragmented and all over the place, and a liability. Yeah, yourself, a liability to others. And then it's unfortunate. I just really see this. And like I said, it's very simple. Like you've been experiencing. I put myself in the work, I'm still in my own um growth journey as well. Um, and yeah, I apply these tools all I had to use this a lot when I was writing my book. And now that I'm getting into the next season um of where my next assignment is, it is using the tools all over again because it's very uncomfortable. And that's what happens when you're growing and you're evolving and you have to become somebody new. But it's not only the becoming, it's also the what do I have to overcome within the process? So I have to overcome my insecurities, I have to overcome my anger, I have to overcome. Um, you know, it's not that it's never going to leave you because emotions are guidance systems. So the faster you befriend them and you have tools for them, um, the faster you're able to get on the other side to whatever dream goal and vision that God has intentionally placed inside your heart and inside your mind.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:49

Yeah, well said. Yeah. And there's a lot of acceptance that is interwoven in that last beautifully articulated statement that you just made, T.

unknown 1:02:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:59

Well, that's just fantastic. Self-worth, uh, your level of significance, your, your, you know, are you, are you, what are you doing here? You know, are you living on purpose or are you living on default? And that's really what the book is about. The book is about an identity shift in every in any area of your life. Um, there's about 12 subcategories in there that I kind of break down more for the like practical mind, the logical mind. The book is meant for the high achiever, the person that wants to know what it feels like to step into their full potential in the pursuit of greatness, that wants to go pro level in every area of their life and ways of how to do that. Um, and then to have a playbook where you can come back to during every season, every level and every layer that you might be experiencing.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:50

After working with you for for a long time now, uh and going back to these foundational pieces, it's really kept me uh focused on track, no matter what is happening in my own external world. And I I think that's really, really, really important to have those foundational pieces, which is gonna lead to the next pillar.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:13

But I just want to give you your trophy. I'm not gonna say flowers because guys are like flowers, but I'm gonna give you your trophies, right? Because even the book is like a trophy, is learning to become the most valuable player of your life, is that you really are, and I tell you this a lot, you are somebody that really does what they say they're gonna do. You're so and you'll figure it out, and you'll, you know, you will you really are what you put out there. And I think it's important for your audience to know this of you really do the growth work, you really have invested in yourself, uh, financially, emotionally, mentally, in every pillar. Um, I mean, even your health journey that you're on right now, from the moment that I met you to now, and just you're getting better in every area of your life. And it's just an honor to work with you and to run, I call it running parallel together. Um, but just for the audience to know that you really do what you say um you're gonna do, and you you are who you say you are. And we need more of that in the business world, in the podcast space, in the media space, versus just presenting and yapping.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:30

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I really appreciate those kind words, T. Um, and uh it's been a really it's been a real privilege to be on this journey running running parallel with you, uh, for sure. Um I I think that uh go let's well well before we go into the into the spiritual part, I I do want to bring this up, and that is the freedom part. Um Having these tools in real time when the uh when the uh you know for for the kids that are listening, the caca hits the fan. You know, having these tools and but having the the presence and awareness that you that we have these tools is gonna really stop us from going down some dark holes, you know, some dark rabbit holes. Um and uh and and that's gonna absolutely segue into the spiritual part.

Faith, Freedom, And Purpose-Driven Performance

SPEAKER_00 1:06:30

So, you know, that this is this is a big one too. All of all of these four are connected, but this is a big one, yeah. They're all connected.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:38

It's part of being a human being, and the most of the people that are disconnected is typically are on heavy medication, they have a hardened heart, yeah, you're emotionally unavailable. Um, because even when I was more new age, because I was always seeking the truth, I went down that that rabbit hole, and I still knew that there was something so supernatural. And that's what God is. God is so supernatural. Like where we're at in the conversations we have are just like the byproduct, you know, like when you ask for something and you know, like it's just, and sometimes the thing that people don't talk about is if it's not for your highest and greatest good, and in the way of the the work that you're meant to do in this lifetime, things will crumble apart. And sometimes I know even for me recently, what's been happening is that I say, like, you know, the first time the world broke me and God was there. And the second time God broke me this last season, he broke me down for a major attitude adjustment for uh removing all the strongholds and the false idols that I had in this life, but he never left and he guided every step. And that's what's saying. Um, in Corinthians, they talk about like God will guide your steps. And no coach or mentor can tell you um the way, except like you can have people to help you, you know, build tactical stuff. Um, but the Lord's gonna tell you, hey, like this is the person I'm bringing into your life that's gonna help you. You know, this is the person that this or you're gonna go here and you're gonna go left and you're gonna go right and you're gonna move, you know, it's literally it's very refreshing, actually. I know as leaders, you're just like, I'm all alone. Well, you're never alone unless you're not, you don't have a relationship with God. And that's something I'm gonna, when I restart my podcast called Minding My Business, it's gonna be Kingdom Entrepreneurs because it's a whole different playing field. And that's why sometimes, if it's not for you, it's not gonna be a sustainable part, or you're always gonna be empty and unfulfilled and like unhappy.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:03

Yeah. That's a lot, that's a mouthful, and that's a lot. But it's also very freeing that that we don't have to do it alone. Um, you know, in in the game of golf and in other individual pursuits, sometimes it does feel very, very lonely. Very lonely. And um knowing that we have a father that loves us so much that um we can lean on and that we can surrender to. Uh you know, especially when when we're under the gun, when we're under duress. It's easy to it's easy to to give thanks and to have gratitude when things are going well. But when things aren't going so well, that's that's where the magic happens, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:55

That's one good.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:56

We're not gonna want to claim that either. Well, that could be a belief system too.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:01

You know, like very true.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:03

We're grateful that like in Hebrews 13:5, one of my favorite parts of scripture that helped me a lot through some really dark moments was that you know, the Lord promised, I will never leave you and I will never forsake you. You know, like I will I will be here through the good fight. And the other one is like, you know, if I am with you, then nobody can be against you. Right. And you've already been guaranteed victory. Yeah, you know, so like just get back up and go. And that's where in the book I wrote, just win today, because that was literally the whisper, because you know, God knows how to talk to you in the way that you know how to receive and understand. You know, God doesn't sound like typically like how you're reading the Bible, but it's just like, hey, girl, get up, go wash your face, go brush your teeth, go exercise, get up, yeah, you know, with a panic attack and not sleeping all night because of night terrors or something. You know, like get up, move, and then the next step, and the next step, and that's what I say when we were talking about earlier, like sometimes it's just plus one point higher, you know, because you're practically on E. And so what's just a little bit of like a five dollar in your gas tank, right? It doesn't have to be the whole hundred dollars that they're charging now, but like what's just five dollars in your gas tank, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:22

Yeah, that's really, really well said. And the the just like the just win today. Um, when I think about that, waking up in the morning, okay, just win today, that really puts me at ease. Okay, I don't have so you're I don't have to win a year, just win today. I don't have to win a week, just win today.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:44

It's also getting in the space uh because the overwhelm can also create the paralysis and block blessings and block you from performing at high levels. So just focus on how am I max maxing out my day? And maybe it is like cleaning up, like today's my cleanup day. I gotta get organized because with all this stuff that I'm right now, like my next assignment, I'm literally like open up all these browsers and like my computer's slowing down, right? So let me get my computer at higher speed, let me close these browsers and browsers as just a metaphor for what are the areas in your life that are no longer something that you and I worked on the other day, what's called Eisenhower's decision-making matrix. You know, most people, when I'm running my time management workshop coming up, is it's about getting clear on your identity shift and seeing all of the things that and how you're operating from an outdated identity. Is the identity that you're wanting to step into, that version of you, that 10.0 of you, does your schedule align with that? You know, that's uh cognitive consonants every day. Your thoughts, action, habits, and behaviors have matched up to that, you know, identifying your priorities and then into those four quadrants, which is like delete, delegate, prioritize it, um, or like do it at some point, right? So it's like we have to constantly be auditing am I operating on default or am I operating on purpose? And that's why the whole book was called like a year of really living on purpose and just making a decision and being consistent with it, even if it is that five dollars in your gas tank. Right. It doesn't have to be the hundred dollars every single day because you barely have one percent. So what is two percent? Let's just that's the progress acceptance. Yeah, I'm on E. Okay, let's what's what's five bucks? Get up, brush my teeth, go for a walk. Create a pattern disruptor. I'm gonna call my coach, reach out for support, let them know I'm not okay right now, I need help. And another thing I want to say, because this is so important when you are in this process of change and transformation, like, do not go cheap on yourself. If you have the ability to invest, because this is I do as well, you have to find people that are capable and willing to support you to the capacity of what you're needing. Because a lot of people are willing, but you're going and yapping your mouth to people that are not capable to support you. So it just creates more damage because who has your ear in those vulnerable moments can literally break you.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:32

Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:33

Can even people I've heard, like you know, using Chat GPT as a therapist, ended up committing suicide. Like chat is meant to be told what to do, not you asking for guidance on something. Right, right. Like it's waiting for you to tell it and direct it. You have to still be able to think for yourself. So when you're not capable of thinking for yourself, you need to hire experts, you need to bring in the right people and also not be yapping to people that are not qualified and skilled to give you solutions. It's so important because who has your ear has your future.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:10

Boy, that's important. That's a very powerful statement, T. Um, you know, it's one thing to have the awareness to be vulnerable and open up and to uh to go through these processes, but who you surround yourself around is equally, if not even more, important. Who has your ear, has your future. Yeah, that's a very powerful statement.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:34

And I'm not saying I want to just clear the air on this, I'm not saying don't communicate to the people that are closest to you. You communicate once you have the proper tools and the skill set and the resources where you've already dealt and processed certain things. But when you're going through moments of massive vulnerability and really not knowing what's right and what the right move is for you. Um, and even for me, I mean, I I know you can attest for this in moments where you've had those things, I've just guided you on it where you came up with your own solutions. I've never once told you what to do.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:10

No.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:11

We worked on this journey of going through these different primed questions that you came to the resolution as we move through all the emotional turbulence for a sound mind to make the best decision. So you had your own breakthroughs.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:27

But I not once told you what to do.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:30

No, you did not.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:31

I even, I mean, yeah, exactly. I was gonna say, like, you know, I've recommended like books or I've given you resources, but part of a coach is is a um is a guidance, not like telling you how to make decisions for yourself. Um, that's yeah, I'm not big on that. It my goal is to like teach you how to be self-sufficient, to think for yourself, to have that discernment, um, and to come up with your own breakthroughs and resolutions.

Book Links, Coaching Options, And Closing

SPEAKER_00 1:17:02

Well, I have um thoroughly enjoyed this conversation. And folks, this is gonna be the first of many uh with Tanya, I hope. If I can prior away from her busy schedule to come on and grace us again. Um how can people find the book?

SPEAKER_05 1:17:20

The book is on Amazon, Building the New A Year of Living Life on Purpose. And you can go to, I have a free resource. It's a uh whole year accountability tracker, a way to track in business. They call them KPIs, where you track your progress, but it's a way to track your progress on a day-by-day for the full year. Um, and that is tanya c oliver.com forward slash building the new. Um, and then on Instagram at Tanya C Oliver, T-A-N-Y-A-C Oliver, um, I reply to all of my direct messages. So just send me a message and let me know that you are listening to the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:58

And also, too, for my listeners, um, I'm gonna encourage you to listen to Tanya once she starts up her podcast and really uh get a sense of where she's coming from. And are you working? Are you do you have room in your schedule to work with people one-on-one?

SPEAKER_05 1:18:14

As of now, I have a few spaces. I'm moving the route of workshops. So I have a time management coming up um on the 29th. It's a three-day workshop. I've been hosting, you know, workshops with groups at the mastermind elite, uh, but you can schedule a call, tanya colliver.com forward slash call and book a 25-minute strategy call. So if there's an opening, then yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:43

And also, too, I mean, as Tanya's friend and fellows and a student of hers, um, you know, I can also, if you want to reach out to me and those who listen know how to get a hold of me about my experience. I can give you a little bit more intimate details, and I'm happy to share that uh and what it's meant to work with her and and the uh the fruits that has happened in my life that continue to happen as a result of working with team. So um the book is excellent, building the new. It's on Amazon. Pick one up, and uh and if anybody wants to uh have a conversation with me behind closed doors, I also have a couple of extra copies that I will uh happily mail to you as a gift, and uh we'll just go from there. But we will have Tanya on in the future, and you have all of her pertinent information. T, I can't thank you enough for coming on. I can't I can't thank you enough for your coaching, your your leadership, and uh, and your friendship as well.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:46

Thank you so much. It's an honor and the same.